Here Are My Thoughts, Pernille: A Response to "Where Are All the Female Leaders"

A few days ago I read yet another thought-provoking blog post by Pernille Ripp (@pernilleripp) entitled: Where Are All the Female Leaders?  

In this post, Pernille asked some really important and tough questions about female leaders in education, as well as us plain ol’ female educators, including:

Is it just a female thing?  Do males get asked how they do it all?  

Are they (women) supposed to feel guilty when they leave their families behind to pursue a leadership opportunity?  

Is this guilt stopping us from speaking up, from going to conferences, from taking leadership positions that we know will swallow more of our time?  

Are we creating a barricade to strong female leadership ourselves? 

Where are all of the female educational leaders?

The minute we are asked to point out leaders, how many times do our fingers point to males?  

How many times when we see a new initiative being pushed out is there few females involved?  

How many pictures of leadership meetings feature mostly males?  And what are we doing about it?

What happens to those women who want to be more than “just” a teacher?  “Just” a principal?  

Are there enough opportunities out there for them?

Are we holding ourselves back or is it a societal thing where conference committees, editors, and other people with opportunities tend to gravitate toward males rather than females because there is an assumption that women don’t want these opportunities?  

Why in a profession that is mostly female are most leaders still male?  
Did we do it to ourselves?  

Or am I completely wrong here?

Well, if you are anything like me, you are doing what I did right after I finished reading Pernille’s last question. Questioning some more.  Wondering about your own experiences, motivations, and decisions.  Thinking about sociology and psychology classes you took in college with Dr. Rabin…ok maybe at this point I am on my own... 

Then I began to type.  My thoughts and opinions were jumbled and rough, not fit for public consumption, and the “facts” I wrote down were foggy and possibly outdated, but it all had to come out nonetheless so I could sift through it. 

What came out is what you are about to read below.  These ramblings and honest truths (about myself) are what Pernille Ripp read when I got up the nerve to email to her, and this hodgepodge of generalities (I know there are men and women who do not fit into either any of the categories I am about to mention), is what Pernille encouraged me to turn into a post of my own.  So as you read this, please remember that I was still working through these questions as I wrote; please bear with me…

Possible Reasons Why We Can’t Easily See Women in Educational Leadership Roles

My Own Hang-ups

What I Would Like to See

There are conflicting reports, but it is believed by some that women are still paid less to do the same job that a man does, so that right there says something (either in fact or perception).

This is still a largely patriarchal society where a man who is tough, powerful, and “professional” or “just getting the job done” is revered and given accolades, while a woman behaving in the same way is looked at as a b*tch.  (I hate to admit it, but I have stepped away from situations because I did not want to be perceived as a relentless, overbearing, b*ll-busting…I think you get the point.)

Studies have shown that women on a whole are taught as girls to be nurturing, caring, and selfless (stay home and take care of the babies), and boys are encouraged to be assertive, aggressive, and competitive. Even the way toddlers are spoken to can sometimes depend on the gender and send a message about expectations.  Case in point: A little girl is climbing on the back of the couch, most people tell her to “be careful” (you are probably going to fall).  A boy climbing on the back of a couch is told “don’t fall” (we expect you to succeed) – crazy I know, but words and messages have power, even if they are subliminal.

What biologically was our destiny 100, 50, 10, 5 years ago no longer is true, but technology moves faster than people’s mindsets…

For this next one you have to follow closely…

1. In households where one of the spouses/partners is a teacher, it is possible, if not probable, that the teacher makes less money…
2. As you (Pernille) pointed out, teaching is a female dominated field (which may also be why teachers are not paid very much…just saying), so that person making less money is more likely a woman. (Still with me? Because I’m not sure I’m following myself at this point, but anyway). 
3. Side note: In two-income households with children, the person making less money can sometimes be expected to spend less time at their job and more time taking care of the other things that need to be done (children, house, meals…) because the bread winner needs to spend more time at his/her job making that needed dough.
4. So by following this train of thought (really impressed if you did), if both people work, and one is the one expected to be at home is probably a woman.

I can be honest with myself and say that at times I wonder if I should have children given what I give and want to continue to give to my career and my students.  It shocks me to have these fleeting thoughts when I am in the midst of an amazing moment with my students and I think about having to give a part of my teacher-self up. Especially since I have always wanted to be a mother. That’s just who I am. If I was a man, I would have always wanted to be a father.  I guess it comes back to the fact that I don’t want to shortchange anyone in my life, especially my potential children, but I also don’t want to sacrifice my passion and dreams. I guess that’s the perfectionist in me, and I have to let that go, find a new balance.

I believe we, as men and women, as educators, should be working towards promoting the best person for the job.  We also need to evaluate whether or not we are doing our best to create and ensure a level playing field for anyone who wants to play.

I think more women should and need to be leaders.  I think that I saw amazing women at ISTE who are leading in many ways, and they give me hope that I can have it all.

I think encouraging boys and girls to follow their dreams, exposing them to all that is possible, and working towards equality across the board is what makes education so invaluable.  

I think that if boys and girls, women and men learn to collaborate and see a good teammate, period, rather than a good teammate “for a boy”, or “for a girl”, that we will be in much better shape going forward.

While I know I have not begun to scratch the surface of all this, I do know that we are human, and as a result, things are not black and white, they are varying shades of gray.  I know that life is messy with long-lasting ripples that intersect and lines that blur. I don’t think you can ever grab a thread and pull it without pulling other threads (ignore this metaphor if it’s not making sense). My only point is that there is biology, sociology, psychology, economics, education…so many factors at play here.

I know I still have so many thoughts about this running around inside my brain (some in circles, some in evasive maneuvers), and I need more time to process, sort and analyze.

You asked incredible questions, Pernille, and we (society) need to continue to discuss them.